Running Scared....

When I started CrossFit I came from a world that I felt I was MADE to compete in. A world that I could and did win in. I had the "perfect shape" for a Figure Competitor. Yes I still had a lot of work to do but, I had something that was hard to come by, the perfect X frame that couldn't be made in the gym. Wide lats, tight waist and muscular long legs. These pieces to the puzzle were necessary to win and it was straight up genetics, and well I had them to T (or the X hahaha). I had the walk...the talk I was MADE for this. I had to work my ass off to get my wheels (legs) down, but when I did it was the "perfect package"....for a natural figure competitor that is. I honestly think that if I believed in Figure now like I do CrossFit that I could make it pretty big. Cover of oxygen and compete on the Olympian Stage and all. Some of you might not know what I am speaking of but, to put in perspective, it's pretty much the CrossFit Games of Body Building/Figure Competitions. Your famous. The Big Kahuna. For those of you who do know what  this caliber of competition is, you probably think I am being a bit cocky and absurd but to be completely honest.... I am just being truthful. I would. I have nothing to gain off of saying this either. I am in no way involved with this part of the fitness industry anymore and there is no reason to lie. I have nothing to gain. The bottom line is...if I was built to compete in anything IT WAS and to be honest STILL IS to be a figure competitor. Yes I said it.....STILL IS. 

Before everyone freaks out, especially Landon. Don't worry I am not competing! But all truth out there....I have contemplated competing again since I started CrossFit. Even since I have started CrossFit Round Rock I have contemplated. But for totally different reasons than before. Before I wanted to win money, be famous, have photo shoots and all the fun that comes along with it. The suits, the hair and make up EATING crap after because well you can. The attention and pure feeling of doing what the rest of the world couldn't etc. etc. etc. HOLD- Before I piss anyone off, this might not be why anyone else does it. This is just why I did it.


ANYWAYS, I thought these thoughts because well... I know I COULD WIN. Knowing that I could win gave me something necessary to win......CONFIDENCE. The type of CONFIDENCE I have never had with anything else in my life. Confidence of such an intense caliber. And I still have it...for Figure that is. This confidence I speak of is something that I have struggled with for sometime now as a CrossFit athlete. I have always had such intimating levels of expectations that it gave me a confidence level of well....$hit. I remember when I realized I wasn't  MADE to be the CrossFit Games athlete. Sitting down in the corner of my gym realizing that literally EVERY CrossFit movement/skill was a struggle for me. I have spent countless hours working movements that I have never conquered. I had heal spurs for 4 months from over training on double unders. Early morning and late evening work on skills that the rest of the Competitive Coaching World would get in 6-12 months that I still don't have after 3 years. Very hard to swallow. I mean..... let's be honest if you could choose to get something easy over hard.....what would you choose?  I was not MADE to be an Elite "Podium" CrossFit Athlete. It is just not in my genes. I know this and I AM now here to say that OK WITH THAT. Because guess what I am ONE DAMN HARD WORKER, and if I want something I can get it. Even if it is 3 years later than the rest of the world....I will achieve it. When I signed up for the CrossFit Open I new that I had to go into this whole process with Confidence. With two major injuries last year and a surgery I would set NO expectations. Do it for one reason and one reason only...because I LOVE CrossFit. Go into this with the same Confidence that I have when I think about stepping on that Figure Stage and being able to win. So what if I don't have my muscle up and can't get a strict HSPU yet. I just need to get the hell over it and keeping working at it. Those movements don't define me. Not as a Person, A Coach or even AN ATHLETE. I am only human and this is how god made me. There is more to the sport of CrossFit than winning and being the best. To me it is about believing in yourself. Knowing that you can do something and proving that to yourself. There will be times that you do fail, and it will suck but you have to remember you are only as GREAT as you believe yourself to be....and to believe you must first walk with CONFIDENCE.

So maybe I was MADE to be a Figure Competitor...... but I was BORN to be a CrossFitter. 

I am not scared anymore. I Believe. I will conquer. 

I AM CONFIDENT.