This week has been pretty rough for me. Being positive and uplifting is my job and I always do my best to never let anything stand in the way of that happening. Well this week has been a bit off. Emotional roller coaster? To say the least...that has been me. One second smiling the next...crying. So I wanted to share with the rest of you what is going on, so you will at least understand a little of why I might have not seemed "myself" this week.
Harley my Great Dane is now 10 1/2 years old. I rescued him at 4 1/2 years old after I finalized my divorce. That was a rough time for me. Hardest decision I had to make. I need a companion and I had just left my 1 year old Great Dane puppy with my ex so I knew I wanted a Great Dane. Harley was badly beaten and abused before I rescued him. I can't believe anyone would do something like that to such a sweet and innocent dog like him. Gentle Giant fitted him perfect. We got a long great right away and our relationship has been my rock during many hard times. He has been by my side through everything I have been through. Everything....and we have been through a lot together to say the least. Me and Bubs.....Welllllll until Landon came along and we decided he was ok...and he could be with us too:)
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| On our way to Miami! |
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| Bath time. Miami Style. |
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| After my first CrossFit competition |
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| Bubba kisses |
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| Family portraits |
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| One the couch while dad is gone;) |
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| biggest bed in the world and only uses half. always. |
Great Dane's are rarely expected to live past 8 or 9 years so it's safe to say he is a fighter. I think the fact that he was 6 years old for 4 years to me helped. Landon was really confused after 3 years of being together how I still managed to tell people he was 6 years old. Not so much.
Harley has a rather large infection in his foot. He has had this several times and it has never been this large of an issue to make go away. Well come to find out, his immune system isn't responding anymore. Meaning, this serious infection he has most likely wont go away. So basically we are buying time. "Buying time" UGH. So that means trying to get him out of some pain so he can enjoy a little more time. AND so I feel like we have exhausted all "resources" When the vet said "Harley is just one of those guys that wont go on his own" I lost it. That was the one thing I didn't want to talk about. The one thing I was hoping wouldn't come up. I am in complete denial and have tried my hardest to complete ignore what's going on (which I know is terrible) but I am now lost with emotions and am not sure what I am supposed to do. Everyone says you need to do what is best for him. I get that and all but, I'm pretty damn sure if he could talk he would say being here with me is what's best. Right? I guess you just don't know how bad they are hurting. It's hard to wrap my mind around walking into the vet next week with him and then turning around and walking out with out him. It brings immediate tears to my eyes. I just can't fathom. He's my bubbs...coming home after a long day just won't be the same and all I can do is pray that some how...some way god grants me with the strength to make it though this. I know it's just a dog. But he is my child. And if you know me at all my animals are my children. I just can't imagine having to make this decision...I am pretty damn strong but this...this is a whole other level of weakness. I know what needs to be done....and I know it's for the best but I just don't know if I can do it. How are you supposed to be ok with ending your own dogs life. How do you make that decision. Ugh. I guess only time can tell. I will do my best to stay positive and will give him tons of love and hold him tight. Cherish every last minute we have together. My Bubbs.
Harley has a rather large infection in his foot. He has had this several times and it has never been this large of an issue to make go away. Well come to find out, his immune system isn't responding anymore. Meaning, this serious infection he has most likely wont go away. So basically we are buying time. "Buying time" UGH. So that means trying to get him out of some pain so he can enjoy a little more time. AND so I feel like we have exhausted all "resources" When the vet said "Harley is just one of those guys that wont go on his own" I lost it. That was the one thing I didn't want to talk about. The one thing I was hoping wouldn't come up. I am in complete denial and have tried my hardest to complete ignore what's going on (which I know is terrible) but I am now lost with emotions and am not sure what I am supposed to do. Everyone says you need to do what is best for him. I get that and all but, I'm pretty damn sure if he could talk he would say being here with me is what's best. Right? I guess you just don't know how bad they are hurting. It's hard to wrap my mind around walking into the vet next week with him and then turning around and walking out with out him. It brings immediate tears to my eyes. I just can't fathom. He's my bubbs...coming home after a long day just won't be the same and all I can do is pray that some how...some way god grants me with the strength to make it though this. I know it's just a dog. But he is my child. And if you know me at all my animals are my children. I just can't imagine having to make this decision...I am pretty damn strong but this...this is a whole other level of weakness. I know what needs to be done....and I know it's for the best but I just don't know if I can do it. How are you supposed to be ok with ending your own dogs life. How do you make that decision. Ugh. I guess only time can tell. I will do my best to stay positive and will give him tons of love and hold him tight. Cherish every last minute we have together. My Bubbs.
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| SICFIT? Oh yea |
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| Getting his WOD on with Dad |
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| Emma cleaning his eyes. GROSS. This is a daily thing btw. |
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| Doing what he does best....nothing:) |
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| Fine. take away my bed. Ill use Emma's. |
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| The loves of my life. |
I'm so sorry that you are going through this and I don't think there is really anything anyone can say to make you feel better. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do too. I had a little dog that was my angel just like he is yours and will continue to be. Hugs.
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